Hey idiots! I'm a MOD!!

So I become a mod. Happy happy joy joy!!

Then yesterday I see some people question why I was voted in. What was the process? Why me in this forum and why another new mod in some other one? Charges of cronyism and sycophantic drooling abound, and blah blah fucking blah. What is this, I rightfully wonder. I was expecting recognition from my peers, but instead I and everyone else involved in this seeming moderator megablunder received nothing but scorn.

So I'm looking around, investigating, seeking, dicking around basically to see exactly what this modship is all about that makes it seem like such a cherished blessing. I figured it was just, you know, cleaning up threads and telling people to stop their stupid shit. But there must be more if this is as wonderful an assignment as these few make it out to be.

Then in a moment of clarity, it dawned on me: the ability to BAN!!!
No wonder these people think I did something unethical to receive such an unearned position.

YESSS!! I've never once neg-repped anyone, but THIS...is simply too marvelous to just let sit there.

Oh no...hahahaha.


So with my egomaniacal self I plowed forward, scanning each and every post looking for an asshole to toss right the fuck out. I found plenty of assholes sure enough, but nothing seemed particularly ban-worthy since other mods took it upon themselves to stop in the Theory forum and warn these fools before I got there. Shit.

Then I found something by someone fairly new that apparently flew under the radar of those who came before me.

Warn? Chickenshit.
Infract? Weak.
Suspend? Too much paperwork.

So all I was left with was BAN. Since this poor asswipe was so powerless in the grand scheme of this authoritarian kingdom known as RevLeft, he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong dictator. Sorry, but go you must. I'm Stalin and he's Trotsky. Hehe.

I poke around looking for the BAN button. What's this thing? No, something about deleting threads...all this completely crappy, dull administrative malarkey is all I could find.
In a panic I run to this thread which says what I can do and another one which says what I can't do, it's all very confusing stuff and nonsense, this technical bullshit. Then I saw something and my heart sank completely.

I found out I do not, in fact, come equipped with bannability. I'm merely a Forum Mod, not one of the truly elite Global ones.

FUCK. If I understand it right, FUCK again.
Pissing me off for real too.
Pffffftttt. Meh.

Looking again, I analyzed further the behavior of my intended victim, and maybe even a warning wasn't really necessary. He seems just a wee bit misguided is all, I finally concluded. Didn't even close the thread as I saw a few decent points here and there. Harumph, you know?

Finding myself relegated to menial tasks such as closing threads and warning morons all while being ridiculed for my supposed appointment from the RevLeft Cronyist Clique (RLCC), I began questioning, again, why anyone would seriously covet this job, much less actually waste any precious time bitterly pondering who is one and why. I found myself back at square one. Not only can I not ban at will, I'm not even in the RLCC that everyone talks and *****es about.

These gormless RLCC fools think I'm unworthy to play their little reindeer games do they??
I think not.

I went through the back channels today. I determined the political tendency of each and every one of these goddamned admins and sent PM's claiming I too felt passionately about exactly whatever it was they're into.

Yes fuckin' A Trotsky!! Anarchy rocks the house!! Etcetera. All that shit.

I even threw in some flattery like "Noone can close 'em like you comrade", "You show some real flava with those spambots" and "You knock'em dead, dead, Zionist style". I knew I was just too slick.

They PM'd back saying how nice, and little more.

I tried the same with five of the obviously higher-ups amongst the Globals (all of whom do belong to the RLCC, even if on the sly). They wouldn't bite either, thumbing their collective noses upon this little Marxist-Leninist peon known as communist_usa, Theory Moderator.

Wtf??

WHAT THE FUCK MUST I DO TO GET THESE PEOPLE TO NOTICE ME AND LET ME BAN?????



............................

Suggestions are not only welcomed, but encouraged. If I get a good one, I'll do what I can to see that you get some juicy 'insider' info. Via PM!

As it is, I still have no idea why this pitiful forum moderator whatchamacallit pain in the rear thankless burden is so goddamned magnificent when I cannot ban and everyone thinks I must be a real brown nosing lapdog because I so undeservedly got it to begin with.


Back to Theory I must go, a new thread is awaiting approval. Meh.